Alanfalcon

#100xLeverageGerbil @NonFunGerbils "100x leverage isn't cool," he'd said, drawing his bow. "You know what's cool?" he'd asked, staring the gerbil in the eyes, not even looking at the target as he loosed his arrow. "Infinite leverage." Bullseye. And the stranger shuffled away.

@NonFunGerbils #BallerGerbil came up on the virtual streets of Gangam District, chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and practicing their B-Ball – all with the dream of one day rating their own Top Shot Moment, buying their Rookie Debut, and flaunting it to all their haters. We wish them well.

Chilly the #CensoredGerbil was miserable. He'd been born with a strange malady. Any time he tried to say something nice about anyone, his vocal chords would constrict and he'd spit out a black bar. People would get offended, assuming the worst. This made the gerbil retreat into himself, afraid to even say anything to anyone lest he be misunderstood. One day, he witnessed a crime being committed by a famous gerbil. He considered going to the authorities, but remembered his last interaction with law enforcement resulted in him being left beaten on the side of the road. He decided against reporting the incident. Years later, that small-handed famous gerbil became president of the United Gerbils of Gerbilland and Chilly could only watch passively on television as he led the country into ruin.

@NonFunGerbils @dappwizard @Werekitty1 @TechnikoArt @NateAlex6677 "That's no moon," he said in muted shock as they got close enough to make out that it was in fact ... furry. #counterfitgerbil

1/3 She used to Occupy Wall Street, but what her fellow protestors didn’t know was that only weeks prior she’d been a high powered queen of the finance world, stepping all over the boys club and raking in riches. But it never felt quite right. Protesting wasn’t quite right either. 2/3 One day she bred two pictures of digital cats together and it clicked: in this permission-less digital world, anything was possible. She got to work building and when she was done, she was leading a mob of the people that were taking Wall Street down by making them irrelevant. 3/3 They were making trades without the bankers acting as greedy, corrupt middle-men. They were funding projects & interacting with staking and bonding curves and quadratic voting. No longer the Gerbil of Wall Street, DeFi Gerbil had helped the people to truly own their own finance.

1/5 #ElfGerbil He was furry, for an elf. Every week he'd get in trouble for gnawing on the presents from the workshop (he couldn't help himself!) and his toy output was abysmal. All the other elves tried to help him out, but his little arms and big round belly made him too slow. 2/5 #ElfGerbil One day he knew he couldn't take it any more, so he ran away from home and ventured into the cold beyond the North Pole. He tried to dig through the snow looking for cookies and hot cocoa, but found only more cold, cold snow so he wandered further and further. 3/5 #ElfGerbil In time, the elf found his way into the magical land of Vancouver, Canada. Half-frozen and three-quarters starving, he sought refuge in a public library. He read over a patron's shoulder a Tweet—a woman was looking for artists to create digital Christmas presents! 4/5 #ElfGerbil Elf Gerbil logged on to a computer and found that he had a strong affinity with the mouse. He created crypto art and found the Tweet, then submitted his creation. And a Christmas Miracle happened: It was accepted, and he received magical internet money in return! 5/5 #ElfGerbil The next year, he was crypto famous, living comfortably. Santa came knocking to ask the elf to return to the North Pole and teach all the other elves how to make blockchain-backed digital presents for all the good boys and girls. It was the best Christmas ever!

1/3 @NonFunGerbils #ElonGerbil grew up with big dreams, and developed magical powers to realize those dreams. He came to be able to manifest reality just by Tweeting a word or two. He would Tweet things like "gaming monkey" just to test the limits of his powers. There were none. 2/3 Eventually all the pieces for his master plan were in place. He Tweeted "NFTs to the Moon", and a rocket launched carrying a of 9 flamethrower NFTs, 5 electric space trucks, 3 boring drills, and a 1/1 elated Gerbil... but he forgot to point his internet satellites at Luna! 3/3 Epilogue: Now #ElonGerbil performs ridiculous low gravity tricks in a series of tunnels on the moon, subsisting on flambéd tokenized cheese, but daily he curses the #failwhale he sees on his phone every time finds he has no way to Tweet and so no way to escape. Oops.

1/2 Geoffrey refused to get his paws dirty. "I'll never be a farmer like you, dad!" he'd often say to his disappointed parents. 2/2 Years later, Geoffrey's father, #farmergerbil, died. At the reading of the will, he found that his dad had left a small fortune, all to his little brother. "No Fair! How did get so rich?" Geoffrey cried. "Farming," His brother replied, taking a bite $SUSHI.

@NonFunGerbils "Do you trust me?" He reached out to the pretty princess gerbil. She smiled at him, eyes sparkling, took his paw, and took a step off the balcony onto the magic flying rug. Except– suddenly she was falling, and the last she heard was the maniacal laughter of #...

@NonFunGerbils Amidst the financial crash of 2008. #GenesisGerbil emerged from a hundred years' slumber only to decide to return to sleep. The World was ready, but GenesisGerbil was not. #NonFunGerbils

@NonFunGerbils Call me biased, but I'd love to see #genesisgerbil be an homage to another NFT Genesis, as a magical, flying, white gerbil with purple accents. And maybe a crystaline tummy :-)

1/3 He planned requital for the fiat-leader’s ruin In days thereafter, to Goldman the wretched Becoming an enemy. JPMorgan's son then Went with a war-troop o’er the wide-stretching currents With day-traders and algorithms: the CEO’s crown he took. 2/3 Gerbilwulf has been preserved through many perils. So he came off uninjured from all of his battles, Perilous fights, offspring of Hamilton, From his deeds of daring, till that day most momentous When he fate-driven fared to fight with the blockchain. 3/3 ’Twas a feeless fight, finished in malice... Sad to his spirit; the fiat-prince however Had to part from existence with vengeance untaken. The byzantine-waves burning: from his bosom departed His soul to seek the crypto ones’ glory. —Gerbilwulf, #thegerbilofwallstreet

1/5 Chad was a boy gerbil She was a girl gerbil Can I make it any more obvious? He was a cypherpunk Karen was her sobriquet What more can I say? 2/5 She wanted him He'd never tell Secretly he wanted her as well But all of his friends Stuck up their nose They had a problem with her trendy clothes 3/5 She was a VSCO girl He said, "see you later, girl" Her gains weren't good enough for him His charts promised moon He maintained it was coming soon He needed to come back down to earth 4/5 Five years from now He sits at home Clicking on Reddit, he's all alone He checks the front page And what do you know Karen's got an ICO 5/5 He calls up his friends They've already seen And they've all got scripts to buy in He gets in too Joins with the crowd Pays the ICO Gerbil that he turned down

@NonFunGerbils #LibertyGerbil - here is her story, a sociopolitical commentary in the form of a haiku, reflecting our collective mental state after far too much #doomscrolling "Give me liberty, Or give me death," She quoted. A lot. Then she died.

@NonFunGerbils @larvalabs @pents90 @matthall2000 @pranksyNFT (1/2 - Backing track at https://t.co/kBMdmTlwcO) Dark gerbil of crypto Rodent of the night Swoops out of the shadows Gerbillus owns starlight Somewhere some scammer schemes But their nonce is up Moon Gerbil! (When there's ponzi you call MG) Moon Gerbil! (Let's get furry-ous) Moon Gerbil! (Better watch out, you rabid rats) #MoonGerbil!

My #PendingGerbil: The gerbil went to put his NFTs up for lending, ‘Cause he’d found an opportunity for spending, But he found his wallet had been hacked, and feared his collection had been ransacked... Then he saw that the theif’s transaction was still pending! @NonFunGer...

The great and powerful #pepegerbil owed all his mystical and powerful powers to his precious powerful lima bean OF DOOM. Whatever he wanted, as long as he could make a powerful meme of it with his precious powerful lima bean OF DOOM it would come true. Also, an altcoin would die.

@NonFunGerbils #PrepperGerbil hasn't seen the sun. Ever. They have not smelled fresh air. They also have not worked a day in their life, never lacked for toilet paper, nor for canned cheeseburgers. Their great (x6) grandgerbil prepped for this 21 years ago, and now they are set for generations.

1/6 Poor ol' #REKTgerbil just wanted to be a musician, and knew if he could just make enough to quit his job, he'd be a star. So he put all his earnings into safe, solid investments for years but he wasn't getting rich. Finally he did enough research to feel good reinvesting it... 2/6 ...all into a surefire blue chip NFT mint. He slaved his way into the Moon Jird Country Club dutch auction white list, bought all the $GERB coins he thought he'd need, and had gas at the ready. Mint day came and... 3/6 ...he won the gas wars (at great expense) but came away with two pre-reveal Gerbil Crates. The crates turned into piles of straw, and their value doubled overnight. He held out for reveal, which finally came... 4/6 ...at the end of an epic ARG campaign, which he'd had to quit his job to participate in. His gerbils both revealed themselves to be super rare! Offers came pouring in, more than enough for him... 5/6 ...to realize his dream. He got a DM offering twice what everyone else was offering. He went to the trading site that was suggested, and with visions of guitar solos in sold-out stadiums flashing in his eyes, accepted the life-changing offer. 6/6 (We all know what happened next.) And that's the story of the sad, slow-moving Jird-tattooed Gerbil with the lifeless eyes who took your fast food order this morning.

1/4 She descends to the lower level of her gilded gerbil cage, peering through the bars as the humans trip over themselves to present their wares for her judgement. #ThatsHotGerbil twitches her whiskers in disapproval time and again, dismissing the offerings one after another. 2/4 Along comes a masked human, whose offering is concealed beneath a black velvet cloth. The scent of something rich wafts up to the gerbil. She stands on hind legs, and cocks her head slightly. What could it be? The human starts to displace the cloth, then pauses suddenly. 3/4 #ThatsHotGerbil claws at the cage. Her tiny painted-on eyebrows furrow. Everyone in the room holds their breath. The human continues to hold the cloth pinched between their fingers, raised but not removed. The gerbil squeaks, "Well, what is it? What have you brought me?" 4/4 "That's it," answers the human, dropping the cloth back into place. "Just that. I bring," and then a long pause, before, "anticipation." All eyes turn to the gerbil. Her mouth opens. Then closes. Then opens again, and says, simply, "That's hot."

@NonFunGerbils @NiftyReport Time for my #unicorngerbil #nonfungerbils entry: When I was a youth, they called me "horny rat" to make fun of me. Now they follow me around—those sad little earthbound rodents—pleading to lick rainbow poop off my cloven paw. What a difference a billion dollar valuation makes!

1/4 The Gerbil Who Knew Too Little (Part 1) Snarky just wanted to play a game, so he signed up for an elaborate Discord based role playing game of international spies and assassins. 2/4 He played for years, dancing in the intrigue of it all, and his team was doing fabulously: while they never did figure out who the saboteur on their team was, the game confirmed that the player was active. Nevertheless, they managed to complete all of their objectives. 3/4 Little by little, interest in the game waned and soon only a handful of gerbils were left playing. Snarky tried to get his friends to play, but they complained it was too confusing and complicated. Snarky read through the rules again so he could better explain it to them... 4/4 That was when he realized he'd missed a step in the earliest days of the game. He brought up his identification card and entered the private code on the game server. "You are the saboteur," it confirmed.

1/2 ForkingGerbil stood at a crossroads. He closed his eyes, and imagined taking the first path ... he pictured a cozy stroll past ancient maples, the leaves just starting to transform into their autumnal hue. A cool breeze tickled his fur. He smiled. 2/2 He opened his eyes and cooed gently. Then he looked to his right and pictured the other path. Grease stains. Abdominal bloating. Terrible thirst. And yet... “What the fork, how bad can it be?” He thought, as he pried open the canned cheeseburger.

@NonFunGerbils @Lelapinmignon My #SuperheroGerbil Meet #SpinelessGerbil! Able to heroically squeeze into—and cowardly squeeze out of!—any tight situation, but still unable to stand up to his overbearing @NonFunGerbils father. h/t to @GregProops: https://t.co/PD83PlMJDt FunFact™️ that was me in the audience

@PIZZAHUTSA After nearly a full month of drooling over the idea of this pizza, the @NonFunGerbils #FOMOGerbil finally got their paws on one. And now they prefer to be called #FONMOGerbil. And can you please excuse them, they need some alone time in the corner to take care of some business.

She was the beloved gerbil pet of the chief of the mysterious city of El Dorado. One autumn day, She fell ill and the chief prayed day and night for a full week for her recovery, but She edged ever closer to death with each passing hour. On the seventh day of prayer, when it was clear that She would not get better, the earth split... directly beneath the gerbil. A geyser of liquid gold spewed out, sending She flying and forcing the city folk to run for cover as it enveloped the city in gold. The chief did not run for cover, and instead cried tears of grief and anger as the molten gold rained down on him. His final thought was that the gods had forsaken him. But he had not been forsaken. The golden geyser had lifted She to unimaginable heights, and held her in place high above the city. As she soaked in warm sunlight and bounced on an unending outpouring of gold, she began to transform into a being of pure golden light. She marveled at the city below, and the transformation it was undergoing. Then she felt a presence surrounding her. It was the spirit of her former owner, the chief of the City of El Dorado, whose soul now fused with her own. Together, they became She-Ra, the mystical Golden Gerbil, spreader of warmth, and protector of El Dorado.